Wednesday, January 5, 2011

a few thoughts on the art of intimacy

In me I see a desire for intimacy that begins as an inward arc, a movement, a calling, an inquiry, an opening, an entry and deepening into belonging, soulfulness, self-knowing and enhanced presence. I want insight, to see and sense into self and other with greater love, awareness and mutuality. To see and be seen, recognize and be recognized, hear and be heard, feel and be felt. So that awareness is amplified by the synergy of 1+1= a greater wholeness. So that we may root more deeply in the relational ground of our humanity, where our tremendous vulnerabilities, intelligences, resources and powers lay: in the land where security, faith, trust, strength, openness, willingness, acceptance, maturity and wisdom grow and prosper.

What amplifies synergy for you?
How do you attune yourself to another?

I find that willingness is key. Not just the will to make something happen, the desire and intention to draw closer to someone, the dynamic element of creative engagement. Initiative has its place. But the receptivity, the allowance, the permission and acceptance of letting another into one's vulnerabilities, into one's inner chambers. Where the engagement is a dance, where control and power are shared, where there is an inter-penetration, a real opening and allowing of influence, a reception.

As a man, do you allow another to enter into your heart?
Do you allow yourself to be fully vulnerable? What stops you?

As a woman, does your desire to be entered appear as an invitation, an offering, a gift (which it is!)? Or does it become a demand and an expectation, a nagging from frustration, a complaint about lack, and subsequently ineffective?

What approach do you want from your partner?
Do you offer that when you want to be more intimate?

My suggestion: give what you want: not to get it in some manipulative way! But as an offering, a gift which allows the other the choice to accept or decline. Don't personalize the no as a rejection. Refine your approach and perhaps the response will become more like the one you are truly desiring.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi, Michael,
Enjoyed reading your new blog entry.
Here's a quote I found that "resonates" with me:
"Sometimes our human relationships are about profound connections and sometimes they're about everyday moments, but they're always about being there for others."
Hope all's well. --Jane