Poise will be Poise!

I admire poise. In men, i see that as an aspect of the noble, mature, sacred masculine: composure, calm in situations of stress, physiological balance, self-possession, unruffled presence. In women, i see this as an aspect of beauty, grace and virtue. From where does this quality arise? Is it in ones DNA? Instinctive, inborn, granted? Or is it acquired, cultivated, developed as a discipline?

With all of the pressures this world imposes, internal and external, poise is a huge asset. It reflects a capacity to metabolize stress and to balance life's demands in the present moment, not allowing anything or anyone to push you off balance. Poise is a reflection of confidence, trust in oneself and in one's capacities to handle whatever arises, to be responsive to whatever presents itself, to integrate information, determine one's intentions, manage conflicting pushes and pulls and decide one's actions in the moment.

When do you feel poised and what throws you off balance?

What nourishes and contributes to your sense of poise?

How does this quality interact with enthusiasm, pleasure, the ability to surrender and receive???

Have you acquired this quality as you've matured?

Is it a quality you seek to develop?

Poise is a quality i continually to seek to develop.

I find it by centering in my physiology.

I feel poised when i find a quiet, still place in myself, when i am reflective and contemplative, when i listen to soothing music, when i let the demands and responsibilities, the tasks and projects, take their course without me pushing the river.

I go off balance when i have too much on my plate, a veritable plethora of impulses and pulls that have my mind moving in myriad ways! I am out of poise when i am reactive, triggered externally or internally into a psychological process that stirs my emotional body in confusing ways. That is when the pedal of practice hits the metal of experience. My sense of poise is a great measure to gage my compass and help me direct my attention, thoughts, actions and emotions.

My sense of poise is nourished when i see others embodying that quality: the open-loop nature of the limbic brain can take in another's calm way through osmosis, as easily as taking in another's stressful ways. It all depends on where we place our attention.

I am very enthusiastic by nature. excitable, gregarious, outgoing, expressive. i like to release and surrender, to dance, to be spontaneous and playful, to dissolve, melt and yield to beauty.

Balancing surrender with poise is grace; balancing enthusiasm with composure is artistry and requires, it seems to me, exquisite attention and skillful means.

What does poise mean to you??

a few thoughts on the art of intimacy

In me I see a desire for intimacy that begins as an inward arc, a movement, a calling, an inquiry, an opening, an entry and deepening into belonging, soulfulness, self-knowing and enhanced presence. I want insight, to see and sense into self and other with greater love, awareness and mutuality. To see and be seen, recognize and be recognized, hear and be heard, feel and be felt. So that awareness is amplified by the synergy of 1+1= a greater wholeness. So that we may root more deeply in the relational ground of our humanity, where our tremendous vulnerabilities, intelligences, resources and powers lay: in the land where security, faith, trust, strength, openness, willingness, acceptance, maturity and wisdom grow and prosper.

What amplifies synergy for you?

How do you attune yourself to another?

I find that willingness is key. Not just the will to make something happen, the desire and intention to draw closer to someone, the dynamic element of creative engagement. Initiative has its place. But the receptivity, the allowance, the permission and acceptance of letting another into one's vulnerabilities, into one's inner chambers. Where the engagement is a dance, where control and power are shared, where there is an inter-penetration, a real opening and allowing of influence, a reception.

As a man, do you allow another to enter into your heart?

Do you allow yourself to be fully vulnerable? What stops you?

As a woman, does your desire to be entered appear as an invitation, an offering, a gift (which it is!)? Or does it become a demand and an expectation, a nagging from frustration, a complaint about lack, and subsequently ineffective?

What approach do you want from your partner?

Do you offer that when you want to be more intimate?

My suggestion: give what you want: not to get it in some manipulative way! But as an offering, a gift which allows the other the choice to accept or decline. Don't personalize the no as a rejection. Refine your approach and perhaps the response will become more like the one you are truly desiring.